


In All My Dreams I Drown

by skullgems



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, descriptions of drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24622312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skullgems/pseuds/skullgems
Summary: Aisra is haunted by what she experienced fighting Leviathan.
Kudos: 4





	In All My Dreams I Drown

It always starts the same. 

They're on the boat, ready to tackle Leviathan.  
The details are hazy, though, and they change sometimes — one night she has her sword and shield. Her hair is cut short and her tiara sits atop her head. They look to her for guidance, but they can't see her knees shaking. 

Another night, she has her lance. Her hair hangs just past her shoulders in loose curls. Her eyes seemed wider then.

Other nights still, her clothes are loose and flowing in the frigid wet wind, and she longs for the thickness of the coat given to her as a symbol of her ascension as a healer. She grips her staff so tightly her knuckles are white. They're depending on her to support them through this. 

'They' also change.  
Sometimes it's Schnee, who manages to look so brave despite how scared Aisra knows she really is. Though she smiles before tossing her hatchet, there's a sadness in it that can't be missed. 

Sometimes it's Koh, with her intimidating expressions that rarely match anything going through her mind. Aisra can guess she's likely just thinking of Leviathan as a giant piece of sushi. 

Rarely it's Corron. They truly don't belong here on the frontlines, but nothing could tear them from it if they tried. 

The worst, though, is rarer still. While usually it's padded with the faces of those she worked with once and never spoke to again, every so often she sees Haurchefant. He always smiles at her, always reminds her to smile.   
After all, a smile best suits a hero. 

It always ends the same. They fight, and it feels like they're winning. Then the waves hit. 

She never used to be scared of the water. Her mothers used to take her to the lakeside for vacation, she could swim as well as she could walk.   
But this water was different. 

Almost as if by some ethereal force, she's pulled off the side of the ship, moments after the rails are ripped from their screws. It happens so fast she hardly has time to think. 

The water howls loudly past her ears as she's pulled to its depths. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Leviathan's tail, but her focus is firmly on the bubbles rushing past her. She can open her mouth to scream, but that just costs her air. Her throat and lungs burn with a previously unknown heat.  
Everything tastes of salt. It's thick, and between the storms and fight above and the turbulence beneath the surface, it's impossible to see. 

She loses herself, unable to tell whether or not she's pointed towards the surface or swimming down, deeper into the murky depths. 

When hope is lost and she stops clawing at the water, no air left in her lungs and throat raw from soundless screams — she's back on the boat. 

It always starts the same.   
They're on the boat, ready to tackle Leviathan.  
The details are hazy, though.

**Author's Note:**

> Stream of consciousness ficlet based on the Leviathan fight. I'm deeply terrified of drowning, and it's a feature of a lot of my own nightmares, and the Leviathan fight messed me up REAL bad because a friend tried to solo it with me and we kept losing.   
>  It sucked.  
>  I hate that fight.
> 
> Might do more mini things like this in the future.


End file.
